One liners

August 29, 2010

Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patients.

Murphy’s Law: Office equipment that has broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I once worked as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

I used to work in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

I tried to be a chef. Figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn’t have the thyme.

My last job was working at a coffee shop, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
A computer does save time at work. I can play solitaire without having to spend all that time shuffling real cards.

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I write: “A very good doctor.”

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.

I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

I got a job in a work-out-center, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

Our company has always had a problem with interoffice communications. For instance, last week the Personnel Department sent around a memo on sexual harassment. Three people initialed it and six people signed up for it.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

The workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!

http://officejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/

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Corruption
Talking about deals that happen under the table…

Let’s fight corruption

August 29, 2010

Have u ever imagined India without corruption . If not, now just close your eyes and think of it. Isn’t it pleasant? Isn’t it exciting? Isn’t it wonderful to have an India without corruption!! Then, when everyone can imagine so why it is that corruption still prevails in our country? Is the fault in us or in the community? What ever be the reason we are now suffering.

India today is totally in the hands of corruption. Money is the bottom-line of all the game. Money is required even to get access to the basic necessities that are required in day to day life. We pay some people so that they do those duties that they are lawfully supposed to do. Does this mean that, no one is raising one’s voice against corruption? No, that’s absolutely not the case. There are people who raise their voice against it. But do they get the common man’s support? Few are not courageous enough to fight alone and the other few sacrifice either their principles or their lives due to lack of support. Does this mean that common man is not interested in having an India without atrocities? Again this is a rhetorical question. For the common man to support any movement against corruption, he must have knowledge about it. Half of the country’s population is below the poverty line where they cannot afford a paper or a television. The others who get the knowledge about the movement and are willing to support despite any hardships that they may face are only about 10-15% of the population.

So what should be done? It is our responsibility to awaken the others of the society. Inspiration is the greatest strength. Provide them that. We shall reach out to the slums and the schools , awaken them to abolish corruption. Encourage youth politics. Youth politics that are not hereditary are the need of the hour for the country. Let us all join hands and give this country its past glory.

Come; let’s join hands to fight corruption.

Office Truths

August 29, 2010

Office Truths

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

43% of all statistics are worthless.

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

It’s lonely at the top but you eat better.

MEETINGS, A practical alternative to work.

http://officejokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/

Clever condom ads

August 25, 2010

Clever condom ads

Financial Management

August 25, 2010


A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday.

How? The other beggar asked.

First beggar: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.

I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-,

And enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money.

The Taj manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

A wonderful example of financial management indeed

Top 5 Secrets Of A Great Leader
If you were not naturally handed the characteristics of a good leader, you should learn to fake it! A lot of people naturally own at least a few of the qualities needed to be a good leader, but they don’t know how to make it work for them effectively. Learning exactly what makes a good leader can help anyone, no matter how shy, become an effective leader in the workplace as well as in their personal life.

There will come many circumstances in which strong leadership qualities will work to your advantage. Whether it is fighting for a hot new job or convincing a friend to do something, the qualities of a good leader will extend themselves into literally every part of your life if fully embraced.

So what makes a good leader, and how can you become one? There are five characteristics of a good leader that can be absorbed into your life right now.

Keep A Positive Attitude
This is one of the most important qualities of a good leader, but it may not be a simple one for a number of people to mimic. A warm smile is a good start. What makes a good leader successful is a warm, enthusiastic attitude that looks at the bright side of life. If you appear to be friendly and approachable, others will feel more open to listening to you. If you want others to follow you, a positive outlook and a healthy amount of excitement for life become essential characteristics of a good leader.

Watch Your Actions
What makes a good leader stand out from others who fail at leadership is often daily behavior. Never expect others to follow the rules you disregard yourself, or to listen to your advice when you ignore it yourself. What makes a good leader successful in many common circumstances is their leading example of acceptable actions.

Boost Your Self Esteem And Confidence
While it is one of the essential qualities of a good leader, it is nearly impossible to pretend you have it. Appearing to know exactly what you are doing and where you are going is essential if you expect others to follow along. What makes a good leader reliable is the ability to hold their head high even when things are uncertain. Remaining calm in the most troubling moments is what makes a good leader trustworthy and relied upon by others.

The Guidelines of Effective Management
The characteristics of a good leader often resemble common managerial skills. Handing over a task to ensure that the main goal is accomplished is necessary for a leader. The best leadership qualities are those that make others want to do as you tell them, and of course that positive attitude helps.

Maintaining High Standards
An effective leader expects only the best from themselves and others. It is essential to build up the self confidence of others, so that they will deliver the best work possible. The strengths of each person need to be discovered so the team is as successful as possible.

Essentially, what makes a good leader stand out from the crowd is a high level of self confidence, and the ability to make others feel confident as well. For those that lack in these skills, it is time to start practicing these qualities until they come easily.

by Dennis Boesen

Computers Quotes

August 6, 2010

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Andy Rooney

Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.
Nicholas Negroponte

Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom.
Clifford Stoll
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
Dave Barry

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Isaac Asimov

I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image.
Stephen Hawking

I think it’s fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we’ve ever created. They’re tools of communication, they’re tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user.
Bill Gates

Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.
Steve Wozniak

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
Isaac Asimov

People think computers will keep them from making mistakes. They’re wrong. With computers you make mistakes faster.
Adam Osborne

Supercomputers will achieve one human brain capacity by 2010, and personal computers will do so by about 2020.
Ray Kurzweil

The computer is a moron.
Peter Drucker

The digital revolution is far more significant than the invention of writing or even of printing.
Douglas Engelbart

The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do.
Ted Nelson
The Internet is not just one thing, it’s a collection of things – of numerous communications networks that all speak the same digital language.
Jim Clark

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
Sydney J. Harris

Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.
Jean Rostand

To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben

Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
Clifford Stoll

What do we want our kids to do? Sweep up around Japanese computers?
Walter F. Mondale

Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
Clifford Stoll

Fix Corrupt Drivers and Errors
by Vinny

Having Windows drivers that work correctly is vital in order to prevent crashes and to keep your computer running efficiently. In many cases your drivers will continue to function with no problems, but from time to time some driver problems will arise. Luckily, corrupt drivers and other driver errors don’t have to be more than an inconvenience when they arrive. It’s possible to repair or replace any Windows drivers that give you trouble, making sure that they don’t cause unneeded problems or keep you from being able to optimize your PC.

If you have the installation disc for your Windows installation, you should be able to perform a repair function by inserting the disc into your CD or DVD drive while Windows is running. If you have corrupted or damaged Windows drivers, the system will repair or replace them automatically while the repair program runs. Attempting to repair Windows at the first sign of trouble is a great way to prevent crashes and keep your copy of Windows from encountering massive slowdowns and other running problems.

http://www.theworldofoffice.com/category/other-tips-tricks/

How To Use Recycle Bin Recovery.
Posted on May 19, 2009
by Allie Sanchez

We’ve all experienced that sinking feeling when we realize that we’ve deleted a file by mistake that we actually need. This might just be a file that you’ve created at home for fun or a file that you have been creating for work purposes. Either way, accidental deletion can seem like a real headache.

Don’t, however, panic too quickly here. You have access to an in-built solution on your computer that could see you find your file again in minutes and get it back where it belongs. This solution is sitting on your desktop although you may not have noticed it before. It is known as the Recycle Bin.

The Recycle Bin works just like a waste paper basket that you might have by your computer desk. Say you jot down some notes on a scrap of paper and when you are done with it you throw it away. A little later you realize that the scrap of paper also had a phone number on it that you need.

So, what do you do? Reach down into the bin, rummage around until you find your piece of paper and take it out. This is basically how your computer’s Recycle Bin works. Like a real bin, until you empty it the Recycle Bin holds the files and data that you have deleted or thrown away from your system.

To get a deleted file back from this utility you first need to open it up to check if the file is still there. Your Recycle Bin will show you a list of the files that you have deleted. When you find the file that you need to restore all you need to do is to click on it and then click on Restore.
The file will now move out of the Recycle Bin. It will be placed back in the location into which you originally saved it so you will be able to open it, read it and work on it once again. But, what if you have emptied your Recycle Bin already?

If you have already emptied your Recycle Bin then you may not be able to use this method of file restoration. If you are at this stage then it’s kind of like having emptied your waste bin into the garbage. But, you’d still know that your scrap of paper that you originally threw away was still in the garbage somewhere. You might just need to dig deeper to get at it.

The same goes for files that you have deleted even if you’ve emptied your Recycle Bin. Files are not automatically completely deleted from your computer even after you’ve emptied your Bin here. You may not be able to find them via standard links but the data that they contained will still be stored on your computer in the background.

The easiest way to find and restore files in this state is to use a specialist software product that can search for deleted files. These programs can help you source and restore accidental deletions which can be real useful in this scenario.

Source: http://www.theworldofoffice.com/computer-clean-up/recycle-bin-recovery/