Corporate Lessons

February 28, 2011

Corporate lessons

by Rahul

 Mon Aug 14, 2006

CORPORATE LESSON #1:

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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, The wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, The next door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 Just to Drop that towel that you have on”. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n*ked in front of Bob.

Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

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MORAL OF THE STORY:

Share critical credit information with your Stakeholders to Prevent Avoidable exposure!

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CORPORATE LESSON # 2

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A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The Nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

Once again the priest apologized. “Sorry sister, but the mind is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the Church, the Priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129.

It Said, “Go forth and seek; further up, you will find Glory.”

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MORAL OF THE STORY:

Always be well informed in your job; or, you might Miss great Opportunities!

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CORPORATE LESSON # 3

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There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they Rubbed the Bottle, a genie appears.

Thankful that the 4 guys had Released him Out of the bottle, he said, “Next to you all are 4 Swimming pools,

I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and Jump, you shout What you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true.”

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE”. The pool immediately changed into a Pool of wine.

The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian’s turn, he did the same and shouted, “VODKA” and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, “BEER”. He was so contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the Pool when Suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards The pool
And shouted, “CRAP !!!!!!!………”

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MORAL OF THE STORY:

Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.

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CORPORATE LESSON # 4

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A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEO standing in front of a paper shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing Work?”

“Certainly, Sir” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.”I just need one copy.”

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MORAL OF THE STORY:

Never, ever assume that your BOSS knows everything.

http://www.fropki.com/corporate-lessons-vt2873.html

Corporate Stupidity

February 28, 2011

Corporate Stupidity

by Saurabh

Wed Nov 10, 2010

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

http://www.fropki.com/corporate-stupidity-vt41575.html

Love life

February 23, 2011

Made in China

February 23, 2011

Reverse Cell Phone Numbers Search: Sprint Reverse Cell Phone Number Lookup

Reverse Cell Phone Numbers Search services can help you if you just have a cellular number or unlisted number to trace callers. Of course, you still need to use a reliable reverse service that can fulfill your requirements.

PRLog (Press Release) – Feb 22, 2011 – Whatever the requirement (to discover the identity of bothersome prank callers, check who someone is talking with every now and again, or whose number that is on a partner’s caller ID etc.) the net now allows us to acquire information which not so long ago would have needed a lot of money and time. By doing a Reverse Cell Phone Numbers Search you can immediately lookup unlisted fixed numbers and cellular phone numbers and get facts about the phone owner within just a few minutes.

For a Free preview search with our TOP Reverse Phone Service Visit Here: http://www.REVERSE-CELL-PHONE-SEARCH.info/reverse-lookup

Is there an absolutely free Reverse Cell Phone Numbers Search directory? Unfortunately not, there’s nearly always a scam involved. Some need you to complete surveys, ‘free’ trial offers, or even fill out loan applications. Others demand your confidential info in return for a reverse phone lookup. Of course the minute you fill in surveys or give out your confidential info you are immediately at the mercy of internet marketers. Some sites offering a free reverse phone search claim the “search” is free and you will need to shell out for the full report. You get the picture…

All this is utterly ridiculous but of course the reality is cellular phone databases are secured by privacy laws. Reverse lookup websites legally buy access to the databases which they use to classify and compile their own directories. These directories (if maintained properly) are quite expensive to keep up to date, and in order for the reverse phone services to generate some revenue they must charge the end user for the convenience.

Some advantages of performing a reverse cell phone search are that you can gather any facts about a number of people at the same time or even just the numbers themselves. You can get the results of your reverse lookup in only a few minutes and information supplied will contain the name and addresses of the person you may be searching for. Your lookup can be made in the privacy of your own home with no one knowing it was done or who did it.

Being your own or somebody else’s detective and discovering the personal details of a stalker, bothering caller, and checking anything that strikes you as suspicious, can be intriguing and rewarding. You, your family or friends don’t have to be constantly irritated by prank calls or let funny conduct or negative feelings get the better of you.

To compare the TOP 3 Reverse Phone Lookup Services Click Here: http://www.REVERSE-CELL-PHONE-SEARCH.info

http://www.prlog.org/11321845-reverse-cell-phone-numbers-search-sprint-reverse-cell-phone-number-lookup.html

Hey wallstreet

February 17, 2011

Obey

February 17, 2011

What RED means to you?

February 17, 2011

Bad Effect Of Computers

February 12, 2011

Bad Effect Of Computers

How computers affect our health

Can you remember the last day when you haven’t used your computer? Or the last week when you didn’t touch the keyboard? I’m pretty sure you can’t, as computers entered our lives fast and we are now used to use them every day.

All this sounds ok, but I’m guessing you don’t know what health problems we are exposed to if we use computers too much. A few weeks ago I’ve came across a short list of health problems caused by a geek lifestyle, but I didn’t had time to tell you about them, till today.

So, let’s take them one by one:

• Sleep disorders – insomnia or often awakening during the nights. Cause is frequent use on PC or laptop right after you wake up. Resolution is pretty simple, don’t lay in bad working, just do something that doesn’t stimulate your brain too much.
• Headaches – often caused by improper environment surrounding computer use. Check your screen position, room lighting, chair, glasses.
Back pain – caused by improper chair sitting position and prolonged absence of back muscles exercises
• Poor attention span – that very interesting. We are used to do multitasking, working with different programs at the same time and being concentrated on several points on the screen, when feedback is expected. When we are facing only one task, we get bored faster, we can’t concentrate enough on the singular task. Meetings, when you have to be focus on the discussion is a killer. There isn’t too much you can do to correct this, as your brain takes longer to learn another work pattern.

As you can see, I’ve said “we” several times, as I consider myself an intensive computer user, with more than 10 hours a day of online time. Maybe future will solve those kind of health problems, but I’m not counting on it. I’m now trying to figure out a lifestyle that gets me enough time with my beloved computers without putting my life in danger. What do you think? Do you manage to escape the terrible force of online…

http://www.oppapers.com/essays/Bad-Effect-Of-Computers/225484

9 Bad Habits to Beat Now

February 12, 2011

9 Bad Habits to Beat Now
By Michele Bender, Special to Lifescript
Published January 01, 2011

Feeling like you need a change of pace? What better time than a new year to remake yourself? Here are 9 bad habits we should lose, along with expert tips to get started. Plus, are you really ready to make a life change? Take our quiz…

Do you shop ’til you drop? Are you chronically late? We can help you turn over a new leaf.

We’ve asked top experts for their top tips. Try them for 21 consecutive days, and you may be out on good behavior before you know it.

“Start small with the creation of new, positive habits. These shift your energy and build confidence in yourself,” explains Regina Leeds, author of One Year to an Organized Life (Da Capo Lifelong Books).

Bad habit #1: Being Tethered to Your Cell Phone

Why you should kick it: You’re certainly not alone in your technology addiction. It’s hard to walk down the street, travel or dine and not see people texting, talking or scrolling away. But no one needs to be plugged in 24/7. It just takes you away from living your real, non-digital life.

How to kick it:

Figure out why you’re hooked. “Are you using your tools to help you with work? Or are you using them to avoid life?” Leeds asks. “There’s a real difference, and you need to be brutally honest to find out.”

Force yourself to spend at least 10 minutes listening to nothing but your own thoughts. “Learn the joy of quiet time. You’ll be astonished what you will discover,” Leeds says.

Disconnect when you connect. There’s nothing more annoying than being with someone who’s answering emails or clutching his or her cell phone while pretending to listen to you.

“Unless you’re on trial for a capital offense and you’re waiting to hear the jury verdict, give your full attention to your loved ones during meals and when you’re out to have quality time together,” Leeds says. “If you don’t enjoy being with your partner or children, call your therapist.”

Bad habit #2: Being Disorganized

Why you should kick it: “Being organized is the foundation for everything you want to achieve or accomplish,” Leeds says. It allows “you to have more time, less aggravation, better health and can be a springboard for creativity.”

How to kick it:
Take baby steps. Start with these small changes: Make your bed every day, never leave dirty dishes in the sink or allow clean ones to languish on the drain board and put your keys and glasses in the same spot every time.

“As you make slow, incremental positive changes, your self-esteem rises as does your faith in yourself that you can get organized,” Leeds says.

Tame the paper tiger. Open your mail each day and immediately toss extraneous materials like flyers or freebie magazines that come with your bills. Also, be realistic about which catalogs you’ll really read, saving one from each company, not 10. File mail into folders or baskets according to bills to pay, invitations to respond to, etc.

Bad habit #3: Always Being Late

Why you should kick it: It leaves you frazzled, creates a bad impression and is rude. “Though it’s usually unconscious, it’s as if you’re saying, ‘My agenda is more important than yours’,” Leeds says.

How to kick it:

Set a goal. Write it down and do so in the present tense rather than the future. “Saying, ‘I show up on time for all appointments’ is powerful,” Leeds says. “But saying, ‘As soon as I get organized, I’ll show up on time’ puts your good result in the future and just out of reach.”

Get a calendar. “Whether it’s an electronic calendar, the one on your computer or a paper version, you need to record your appointments and deadlines,” says Leeds, who adds that it helps to work with a week or month at a glance. “This way you can see what demands you’re making on yourself. Are you trying to do too much? Perhaps that’s why you’re always late!”

Bad habit #4: Forgetting Your Friends

Why you should kick it: The good feelings you’ll elicit when you remember a friend’s big day are priceless. It makes people feel loved when you note the good times as well as the bad. Maintaining close relationships is important for a fuller life and better health, according to research.

How to kick it:

Go high tech. “If you have a computer, it’s pretty easy to stay on top of dates these days,” Leeds says. Most calendar programs let you set reminders of important dates, or you can register with an online service that emails you when these big moments pop up.

Or use a paper calendar to record only birthdays and anniversaries, and put a note in your daily planner to look it at the beginning of each month. “You’ll know which cards or gifts you need to buy,” Leeds says.

Make time to reach out. “Set time aside each month to make long-distance calls,” Leeds says. “Or use your down-time waiting in doctor’s offices or airports (as long as you use your ‘inside voice’ so no one has to listen to your conversation).” If you don’t have time to call, check in regularly with a quick “thinking of you email.”

Bad habit #5: Not Saving Money

Why you should kick it: “Saving is critical in any economic environment,” says Michael B. Rubin, CPA and CFP and author of Beyond Paycheck to Paycheck (Wachtale & Martin). “But a down economy, where you may lose your job or something unfortunate happens, makes you see that having an emergency fund is even more important than ever.”

How to kick it:

Put aside something. “Most people think it’s going to be easier to save later, but later is a nebulous term and you’re always going to have more obligations even if your income increases,” Rubin says.

Keep track of your spending for seven days by getting receipts for everything, and then see what you value and where you can cut back. Next, stash the money away in a bank account or spot where you won’t touch it. “After a while, you’ll see it add up and change your attitude toward money,” Rubin says.

Call your credit card company. The best thing to do is to pay your credit cards in full each month. If that’s more a fantasy than reality, call your credit card company and ask for a lower interest rate, which is possible if you’ve at least been making your minimum payments each month.

“A lower interest rate frees you up to save money,” Rubin says. Check out these credit card tips from Jean Chatzky.

Bad habit #6: Shopping Too Much

Why you should kick it: “Scientists have recently demonstrated part of the reason why consumerism is so attractive – it’s an addiction,” explains Lifescript Depression Expert Richard O’Connor, Ph.D., author of Undoing Depression and Happy at Last.

Shopping releases dopamine, a brain chemical associated with anticipation and pleasant excitement. As soon as we make that purchase, we’re flooded with prolactin, another brain chemical telling us to slow down.

“Unfortunately, we crave more dopamine and then get into a vicious cycle, which accounts for cocaine addiction, gambling and buyer’s remorse,” O’Connor says.

How to kick it:

Count your blessings. Being grateful gave shoppers more satisfaction than their potential purchases would have, researchers found. “When people think about what’s important to them, they seem to do better with a self-control task,” says study author Kathleen Vohs, Ph.D., professor of consumer psychology at the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota.

Before whipping out your credit card, think about three things that really matter to you. “Happiness has much more to do with feeling connected and genuine and accomplishing things,” O’Connor adds.

Don’t shop while dieting. If you’re trying to slim down, quit smoking or do anything else that requires willpower, steer clear of stores. “Using self-control is similar to exercising a muscle. Once it’s fatigued, it needs to recuperate before it can work at its best,” Vohs says. If we resist the candy dish at the office early in the day, we’re less likely to later resist those stiletto pumps.

Bad habit #7: Bringing Work Home

Why you should kick it: Working at home keeps you tied to the office. You never get to decompress and rejuvenate, and it takes time away from your friends and family.

“But in today’s economy, with companies downsizing and employees asked to do more than their share of work, it’s the odd man who doesn’t bring home work,” Leeds says. “The idea is to handle this with care.”

How to kick it:

Perfect your time management. Ask yourself: Do I waste time sending personal or unimportant emails? Do I spend too much time on phone calls? Do I waste time searching for papers? If you answer yes then planning your day better could reduce your at-home workload.

Balance work with play. If you have to take the office home with you, spend some quiet time with your family or yourself before you get to work.

“The human body isn’t a machine,” Leeds says. “We need some relaxation in order to function at a high level.”

Bad habit #8: Procrastinating

Why you should kick it: All of us have a project we dread, that one that makes our stomach lurch when we think of it. “Everyone procrastinates from time to time,” Leeds says. But for a habitual procrastinator, “the heart of this behavior is fear – fear of success, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake.” Once you start a dreaded project, it’s usually not as bad as you imagined.

How to kick it:
Break it down. Fight intimidation by breaking the project into manageable morsels. Got a party to plan? Make a list of tiny tasks, like coming up with a theme, buying invitations and so forth. Each time you cross a task off your list, you feel motivated to move on.

Forget perfection. “Procrastination may also be a manifestation of a desire to achieve perfection,” says Leeds, a self-described “retired perfectionist.” Instead, focus on doing the best job you can. “The difference may be subtle, but it’s also powerful and life changing,” she says.

Bad habit #9: Being a Pack Rat

Why you should kick it: “Though people say this about themselves all the time, a ‘pack rat’ is actually a medical condition,” Leeds says. If you can’t throw anything out, living with all those belongings can make you feel unorganized, not to mention make it hard to find anything. Busting through the clutter can make you feel more in control.

How to kick it:
Make your trash another person’s treasure. “Find special homes for items you know you don’t need, but wish to hold onto emotionally,” Leeds suggests. Take your old sheets and towels to the local animal shelter or vet. “This way you can see how your discards help the sick and suffering animals,” she says.

Clear clutter creatively. Find artful ways to keep the memory of a past experience alive rather than keeping bulky material things that go with it.

You don’t need to save every piece of your baby’s clothing. Instead, put a photo of your child in a favorite outfit in a shadow box with other mementos of that period, such as a special toy and swatch of fabric from the outfit.

http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Well-being/Conquer_Clutter_and_8_Other_Bad_Behaviors.aspx